Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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