i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
