I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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