I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
