Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
