So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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