May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
