Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
