i permit you to call me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
