why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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