the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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