i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
