listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
