i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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