That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
