It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
