If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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