went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
