so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize