Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
