I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
