So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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