My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
