We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
