Pappa wants mamma naked
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
