just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
