so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
