I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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