I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
