I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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