my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
