When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
