I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
im on a boat
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