he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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