I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
