There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
