I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
