They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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