You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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