ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
