I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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