guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
