I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
