Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
