Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
