We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
