Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
