he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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