Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize