I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize