The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
