Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize