she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
