this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
