Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
