I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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