My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
