I understand Curling. That high.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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