I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
