WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
