I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
