miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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