dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize