I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
