allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
