i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
