Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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