i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
