if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
