i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
